The Former Self | Mother Ayahuasca

"There's an omen, can you hear it play?

There's a woman setting fire ablaze

Brazen fire, broken wood

Smoking black and fertile ground

There's a call to surrender her plea to survive

She's burning fire "

- Ädiana Ross (Lazarus)


Mother nature has called me to the edge of the Amazonian rainforest. I have answered and am in the midst of packing my bags American Airlines just texted: "It's time to check in" and my stomach stirred and heartbeat sped. I leave for Peru tomorrow morning at 8:40 am; I am bracing myself for one of the most pivotal experiences of my healing journey.

The spirit of Ayahuasca woke me at 3 am with signals of transcendence. I woke up to geometric patterns, shapes and chills all over my warm body. She is already working with me before I arrive tomorrow. She is informing me of my energies and perhaps the energies around me and how I am to witness them while I intensely experience them with her. I am to surrender to the total without resistance.

"Occupat irai" | renewal

Having a strong intention has been iterated in my pre-study and preparation for this journey. My intentions have been in motion, however. I have the deep desire to merge with the purest and truest parts of my soul. I have an equal desire to heal my heart. I wish to open up and further activate my spiritual abilities and much more. There's infinite curiousity and a need for understanding and empowerment.


Who am I?

Who am I to become in pursuit of my highest destiny?

Who have I been? Why?


These questions and more plague the thought of my intentions. But at the core, I plan to integrate with my highest forms and inspire the deepest healing I have ever experienced. And while I assimilate with my higher self, I am ushering my fears and blockages to their demise.

In honor of this journey and in guidance of authenticity - personal, abstract and emotive projects have been birthed. The weekend before my trip, I met with my creative team to come up with a photo series to artistically document the sensitivities the spiritual trek in art & wellness induce. In our first phase of this extended project, we engaged some of the darkest, lost, ungrounded & unaware aspects of my former self. We reflected on them and spoke about them and brought them to life in preparation for their death.


Lazarus | Restoration to life


"The first phase of this project involving the "former self' had a strong hold on my emotional body. I could see myself and operate as a witness of my former aspects in a way that I have never dared. I cried, I laughed; I sat in silence and expressed myself bare with my team. I opened myself raw to see myself. " - ÄR


I am not "out of love" with my former selves. In fact, I have gained a new appreciation for them as I would not be the person I am today if it were't for them. But during the shoot yesterday, something came over me. And from that point, I chose to take 100% accountability for my past, present and future. I chose to embody my truth and come to face my deepest darkest fears. I chose to live honestly and allow the ripples that come from this choice to inspire as many people who are called to do the same.


"I was, I am and I will be." - ÄR


This trip is one of many pinnacle points of my existence and it has yet to transpire. Ayahuasca is purported to be the most medicinal and powerful psychedelic substance known to man. And it’s sourced and has been in use by indigenous communities in South America, particularly the Peruvian jungle, for centuries.

A few weeks leading up to the retreat - I have been given a pretty strict nutritional and emotional diet. As a vegan, many would think my lifestyle already summons rigidity when it comes to diet, but due to the power of this medicine, it was important to have my system as clean as possible. I have detached from emotional triggers/chaos as best as I could and remained abstinent in several regards. One of Ayahuasca’s nicknames is La Purga, which literally means to purge. Almost everybody who takes part in an Ayahuasca ceremony goes through the process of bodily cleansing.

Pachamama Temple:

" We all, knowingly or unknowingly, take in toxins on a daily basis by the air we breathe and the water we drink. Additives, colorants, antibiotics and chemical preservatives are present in the food we eat. All of these toxins are stored inside us. When we drink  Ayahuasca, the medicine pulls these toxins from our cells and we expel them, cleansing the body and rejuvenating our spirits. "


" For centuries, the indigenous tribes of the Amazon have used Peruvian Ayahuasca as a powerful tool for physical, emotional, and spiritual healing and awakening. The Ayahuasca experience is truly unique to each and every person as it enables us to make a direct connection with the deepest parts of our subconscious mind, establishing a profound connection with our inner realms and higher self. Many of us are getting lost in this modern world. We forget or neglect to take time to reflect upon our lives, decisions, and traumas. Ayahuasca reopens the window into our soul and shows us who we are, why we came to this earth and, last but not least, she shows us who we can become. Truly getting to know yourself is like coming home. "


My trip and healing journey to Peru is already inspired masterpieces in my life. It's revealed to me how I am already aligned with my highest good and how I have always been with my nature to seek "the greater" and transformation. It has shown me how I can continue to pursue spiritual growth & ascension while leaving marks of truth, vulnerability and artful offerings along the journey. I am ready. I am capable. I am open and vulnerable. And I am generously gifted and I am pleased to share it with you.

Mother Ayahuasca's whispers are loudening now and I am off to assimilate with my greater self. I will have limited access to wifi and cellular reception but will post updates when time and spirit allows. Feel free to tune in as most updates will be on instagram: @seeking.nature

Thank you for reading.

Until next time,

Ädiana Ross

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